Pro Tip - Family Portraits
I don’t want your Pinterest shot lists. I don’t need to know that you want photos of each different piece of decor at your ceremony , your reception and so on. My clients (I am so thankful for my clients) understand what I do and have trust in the fact that I will deliver a complete, cohesive, skillfully crafted story of their day. I curate the wedding story with love and care knowing that it is a privilege to be part of one of the most momentous events in life.
HOWEVER - I DO want a family portrait shot list every. single. time. I want a family shot list, I want a family shot list, I want a family shot list. And while we’re at it, I want a designated person to help me wrangle and organize said family portraits. I realize this is asking a lot, but I know what I am talking about. I will have photographed my 220th wedding this month and I still find the family portrait portion of the day to be the most stressful for my couples. This is where the wedding day starts to feel a little more like work than a celebration. I do my very best to minimize any feeling of stress on your wedding day, but I need you to help me help you. So for every person reading this who is on the cusp of getting married, please take note! Do yourself a favor and do your photographer a favor and make a family shot list.
I’ll explain a little more about my process in this post in hopes that you’ll pull something useful for your own wedding. Read on and take notes…
When I consult with clients, the one piece of photography homework I assign is the family shot list. It is always the best idea to start with the nuclear family and work outwards. If you share a child or are blending families together, those are the most important family portraits to prioritize. Start with your children and think of the variations you want from there. Do you want the child/children with each parent individually or will the group photo suffice?
If little ones will be involved, let’s start with them! Nap time, hungry tummies, bad moods are all things we need to keep in mind when we have small children in our wedding party. This might be a hot take, but now as a mother to a three year old, I have learned that we need to ever so slightly lower our expectations for these mini guests. Wedding days are exhausting and emotional and if children are in the wedding party, there is a good chance that they’ve been hanging around during the getting ready process too. This lengthens the day for them and lessens their patience and attention span. Have snacks and water on hand, little toys - I’ve even seen couples prepare thoughtful gift baskets for each child to keep them occupied during the reception. Personally, I adore little children at weddings (oh the content!), but they are unpredictable. Photographers will always do everything in their power to create gorgeous portraits of the flower/ring children, but sometimes the outcome is out of our control. Next, anyone with mobility issues will take precedence. We should always be mindful and considerate of anyone who needs the assistance of a wheel chair, a walker or has trouble walking or standing.
Parents - Will you do individuals photos with you and one parent and then the other? Will the small group suffice? Do you want a photo with your parents without your partner? I promise your partner will not feel left out.
If there are strained parent relationships like separations or divorces or unconventional parental relationships - please feel free to include notes or tell your photographer before hand in effort to ease any discomfort that may arise. If you feel like this isn’t anyone’s business, that is fine too. This is why a shot list is key. We will be able to go to the exact people needed in every portrait with no question or pushback. “I’m going down the list” works every time and it allows your photographer to move forward with authority.
Sometimes, there will be situations where parents do not want to stand next to each other, refuse to be in a photograph together or won’t be in the same vicinity as the other parent period. Sometimes, parents don’t show up to weddings at all. Hear me loud and clear - this is not about you and this is in no way your fault or even in your control. If you feel this could be the case at your wedding, please let me know. I will do everything in my power to deescalate any situation that may arise.
Get the generational photos!!! Oh what I would have given if my Nana could’ve been at my wedding. Grandparents are and will always have my heart. They’re the VIPs all the way. If you are so lucky to have grandparents present on your wedding day - remember that generational photo. Melt my heart.
Consider all groupings. If you are doing very large family photos, I like to get those out of the way first and work my way down. If you have blended families, consider a grouping for each family.
Know whether or not significant others will be in family portraits ahead of time. Significant others can be a hot button at weddings. Sometimes the S/O is married into the family, sometimes they’re not married into the family and sometimes they are expected to be old news a few months from now. I always like to include significant others. I think it is the kind thing to do and you would be surprised at how many of those S/Os that were supposed to be old news end up being your sibling’s/parent’s forever person. Some families have hard rules - if you aren’t married, you aren’t in the big family photo. And that is fine - to each his own. We can alway do a photo with them included in the group and then one without them in the photo. Even better, we can do a separate photo with the S/O, partner and the couple. Obviously, there is a lot to unpack with this post and I could go on.
Finally (and not everyone will appreciate this closing note - but it needs to be said), only you and your partner decide who to prioritize for portraits at your wedding. I am here to give you permission not to feel obligated to take a singular photo with anyone who does not bring you peace. On that note, I am here to give you permission to only invite those who bring you peace. Sometimes family are the people we choose to be closest to us and not those who share our bloodline.